I have too much free time, an overactive mind, a sarcastic ass like quality, and I think my cat's better than yours. So, I started a blog. Welcome to madness, this is Jelly v. Jam.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Hump Day--Not What I Signed Up For. . .

Gather ‘round kiddies, it’s time for another fun filled story about the ways of the world.  Some people think that Mondays are undoubtedly the worst days.  Let’s look at the facts: you’re groggy, possibly still hungover from the weekend.  The memories of that glorious free 48 hours you had are as fresh in your mind as the cup of coffee that can’t seem to do its job.
 Loser!

On top of all of that, you’ve got 5 days, 40 plus work hours, and that ungodly work in front of you.  It’s almost like there’s no end to the misery, and the day’s just begun.  And adding more happiness your way, your groggy ass just spilled your own coffee!
 Fucking loser!

But that’s not the worst to come.  The worst to come is actually 48 hours away, the day that I hate the most and in a few paragraphs you’ll see why.  Wednesday.

Send it back to the Gates of Hell from whence it came!

Here’s the breakdown:

MONDAY – You’re back to fucking work, there’s nothing you can do about it.  At least you know what you’re up against.  It’s like being on death row; it sucks, but you know a work week is ahead of you.

TUESDAY—It’s the Purgatory of days.  Nothing good nor bad happens on Tuesday.  But it’s got something like two in it, which puts it in second place, I guess.  And like my uncle always said, “second is first to lose,” though it was always after his second bottle. . .

WEDNESDAY—We’ll get here.

THURSDAY—Thursday leaves most with a euphoric feeling.  The weekend is almost here; the next day is Friday; everything is winding down and you can start making exciting plans without anything being too much of a commitment at this point.  It’s overall a good day.  And if you’re a student, it typically means you don’t have to see these professors for four glorious days of procrastination.

FRIDAY—It’s a great day, a day that ends in a stumbling, ironically unforgettable night of partying and shenanigans.  Or just sitting on the couch in your underwear with your best friend, Mr. Daniel’s.

The choice is yours.

UPDATE: Regrettably, this day has suffered severe trauma from a Rebecca Black single.  Friday is soon to testify regarding this heinous assault and then be put in the custody of the Witness Protection Program.

WEEKEND—Yay!

Yay!

Wednesday

Wednesday, my hell have a special place for her, is named for the Norse god, Odin. 

He’s been pissed about it ever since. 

The Germans, actually, had such a problem referring to this suck-fest of a day after a kick-ass god that they changed their word to Mittwoch, meaning mid-week.  And that’s all that it is!  It's not even near the prophesied "hump day" I've long awaited.
Bummer...

Seriously, middle of the week is all that it is.  It doesn’t matter if it’s the world's worst week of your life or the best.  The news of hearing/realizing it’s halfway over is …

I was going for indescribable…

Imagine you could go back in time and tell someone in 1942 that World War II is halfway over.  Go on, I’ll wait.  Was their reaction glee?


HELL NO, because war sucks, and sure, that it’s halfway over seems like great news, but you still have to get through the other half!

That went well, by the way.

But enough on the negative; what about the positive?  It’s the best week of your life.  You’re in love, you got that kickass promotion/job/car/house/puppy—it’s just awesome!  Everything about this week takes every other week of your life and just shits all over them.

Bummer.

…Well, that week is halfway over.  Now it’s negative again.

Ya see what I’m saying here?  There’s nothing good about Wednesday.  Even just looking at the word fills me with rage.  I challenge my audience to find me another word in the English language with a silent D!

You know what to do here.
Also add 'Silent D' to the list of rapper/porn-star names

I’m perfectly happy to be wrong, but at least unlike the other days of the week, I loathed having to sound out Wednesday as wed-nes-day, when I was learning to spell last week.  It was just wrodng.

The only bright side: it’s not Friday.