I have too much free time, an overactive mind, a sarcastic ass like quality, and I think my cat's better than yours. So, I started a blog. Welcome to madness, this is Jelly v. Jam.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Re: Turtles

Sorry for the hiatus, but as previously stated, I have no clue what I'm doing here...  The story shall be elaborated on in comical fashion in... maybe three posts...

This comes from a buddy of mine who wanted me to put this up.  It's about how I relate to turtles.

Ya see, it started all with this:  ... or rather descriptions of this:

Or maybe not really that terrifying...  As it was described to me, the real Mario was a fat plumber, ass showing and all, stomping on a turtle.  (Which is how I described it...)  So I guess it was more like this:
Yup, far less terrifying, but just as inhumane.

Anyhow, my buddy said to me that was terrible, and that he liked turtles.  And so do I.  They're awesome just for one, but two, I do identify with the turtle.

It is a small almost insignificant creature, frail, and slow moving, but covered in a hard shell--it is not unlike an M&M.  And most of all, it is a creature that when turned over on its back finds it hard to get back up.  This is not unlike me when I'm inebriated.  But of course, most things seem to work against me when I'm inebriated... phones, keyboards, cars--especially cars--, cups and even can openers.  That one resulted in about 13 stitches.  Therefore, I posit, my soul is that of a turtle.  Noble, hard shelled, and almost entirely pointless.  And had heavy things that move faster than 30 mph been created sooner, my kind would have been wiped out eons ago...